take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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