Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
