Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
