So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
