I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
