I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
