Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
