i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
