ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
