i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
