So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
