It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize