hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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