she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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