I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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