alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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