That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
this boner is exhausting
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
