Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
