If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
