what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
