Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
