and you said cock pushups were impossible
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
