the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
