You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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