matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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