Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Less talking, more tequila
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
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