thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
