My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
