i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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