You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
