Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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