Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
