It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
