you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
