She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
