God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
if only i could text you this smell
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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