The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
