On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
