you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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