To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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