i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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