I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
