She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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