I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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