Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
