Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
