Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
