Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
