What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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