How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
