Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
