I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
