He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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