Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
