Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
