I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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