She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
