we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
