it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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