I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
