Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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