i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
