Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
