i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
