Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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