So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
