dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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