Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
