girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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