Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
