That's intense
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
