She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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