no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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